shersquared's Xanga

Change of bloging home

Fri, 05 Dec 2008 03:30:28 GMT

After lots of thinking and fiddling, I've finally decided to move on from Xanga to Blogger.

Visit me at my new web-home

http://shersquared.blogspot.com/

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Saturday, November 29, 2008

Sat, 29 Nov 2008 11:48:48 GMT

When the Tears Fall - Tim Hughes

I've had questions without answers
I've known sorrow, I have known pain
But there's one thing that I cling to
You are faithful, Jesus You're true
When hope is lost
I call You Saviour
When pain surrounds
I call You Healer
When silence falls
You'll be the song within my heart
In the lone hour of my sorrow
Through the darkest night of my soul
You surround me, You sustain me
My defender for ever more
When hope is lost
I call You Saviour
When pain surrounds
I call You Healer
When silence falls
You'll be the song within my heart
And I will praise You
I will Praise You
When the tears fall
Still I will sing to You
I will praise You
Jesus praise You
Through the suffering
Still I will sing to You
When hope is lost
I call You Saviour
When pain surrounds
I call You Healer
When silence falls
You'll be the song within my heart
I will praise You
I will praise You
When the tears fall
Still I will sing to you
I will praise You
Jesus I will praise You
Through the suffering
Still I will sing to you
When the laughter fails to comfort
When my heart aches, Lord You'll be there
When confusion is all around me
And the darkness is my closest friend
Still I'll praise You
Jesus praise You

Monday, November 24, 2008

Mon, 24 Nov 2008 03:19:11 GMT

5 beautiful years…

At 7.42am today, our dog Summer passed away. She had been diagnosed with liver and kidney failure last week and had been in the animal hospital since. Doctors tried everything they could and blood test results were not encouraging each time. Toxin levels was 10 times higher than it was supposed to be.

Our family prayed, begged, cried, hoped, trusted for healing, stayed strong. And finally today, God took her back home. I have no answers as to why God didn’t answer our prayers the way we wanted Him to, except that, He is God and He knows what’s ahead and what’s best. We prayed, but nevertheless, it was in His hands.

Now all we’re left with are beautiful memories of all her antics, her collar which bell sounds all too familiar, her empty cage, 2 huge unopened bags of dog food, dog treats, her water and food dish, her leash, and her fetch toy. Thank God that my family took lots of pictures of her while she was alive and well, cause that’s the way I want to remember her – hyper, energetic, bubbly, giving, beautiful, and happy.

No doubt it hurts so much. In fact, I never knew my heart could ache in so many places in such magnitude. She was more than a dog, she was already part of the family, we even nicknamed her Low Sher-Mer. She was a sister. And I guess, this is a bond that only people who own and love dogs can understand.

We visited her body a while ago, it was bloated and cold. I could only bear touching her floppy ears… that was my favorite part of her body other than her eyes and snout. They were as floppy as always, just a little swollen, but they were cold. The vet will be cremating her on our behalf.

So this was it. A week ago, she was her usual self, a week later, she is gone. Life is so fragile. My dad explained that all life comes from God, He breathed life into them and they had their being, when they had served their purpose, He breathes again, and takes them home. She completed her mission perfectly; she taught us what it meant to love and be loved, how to give unselfishly, how to keep our joy, how to not whine and complain when things were tough. In fact throughout the whole of last week’s ordeal, she never once cried, whined, fussed, or complained… that was our Summer, always brave, always strong, always happy. Even in her pain, she’d always wag her tail when she saw us.

The pain and the tears we cry are because we lost a beautiful friend. We’re sad that we could not have journeyed longer with her. But God decided, and it is not final. She’s gone back to where she came from. He took her home, for a little while. I know one day when I go to Heaven I’ll see her there. There may be no theological backing for this but, it’s what I’m holding onto.

So, thank you all for your prayers, words of encouragement, concern and tears. It means a whole lot to my family. We’ll be OK. Even now, there’s peace in knowing that she is free from pain and suffering. God is still the great I AM, the Alpha and Omega, the great physician, the one true living God. He still is, He still is.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Sun, 23 Nov 2008 06:59:54 GMT

Friday, November 21, 2008

Fri, 21 Nov 2008 08:19:38 GMT

Summer – Questions, Confusion, Lessons

The day we brought Summer home, we knew she would never be anything less than a family member. She instantly became the baby of the family. This power-packed Jack Russell Terrier became the entertainer, the clown, and the mediator of our family. Always waggy-tailed, with her cute frown on the top of her head, she never ceased to make us happy. Ooo she was my savior from the wrath of smelly, disgusting roaches. In fact, they were her play toys. She quickly learnt the word roach in many forms “cockroach”, “roach”, “kat chat”, or just “AHhhhhhhhhh” (our screams). If she heard any of these, she’d dart out from any corner of the house, and the next thing you know, CHOMP, there goes the threat – annihilated!

So, she has been with us for 6 years now, still very young for a small dog, they usually live up to 15. And we sometimes take her for granted. She is the welcome committee in the house. Regardless of what time, how many times, or whoever it is that comes home, she’ll always be the first to wait by the door, and greet you with a hug (she really knows how to! She’ll jump up and put her head next to yours) and then turn over for a belly rub. At times when we take too long to get out of the car, she’ll climb up to the sofa, and peek through the window. I really love her…

Last week, Summer started getting sick, she was throwing up everything she ate, and she even stopped eating completely. We brushed it off as maybe food poisoning of her “emoing”. She got worse. Earlier this week, with the insistence of my sister, Summer was finally brought to the vet. First prognosis… not good. She had probable kidney and liver failure. Results came back positive for both. Liver failure is one of those treatable illnesses for dogs, but kidney failure on the other hand… is harder with higher mortality rates.

When I heard the news, all I felt was an aching in my tummy. Because we let her suffer for so long… Summer was then warded into the animal clinic but then brought home. That night, she vomited blood. It was the scariest thing any of my family members had seen (I was at my home so I didn’t witness it). Panic gripped everyone’s heart as we all rushed to the only 24 hours animal clinic. She has been in there since…This is the 4^th day. After 2 blood tests, her liver is better, but her kidneys are not. Doctors said it was not a good sign. Scretin (or something like that) levels is 10 times higher. In short, her toxin levels are sky high.

Disaster does hit when you’re least expecting it. Past few days I’ve been trying to comfort myself and build up the faith. Today after the latest blood test results, my confidence and trust in God plumaged… Still a gentle small voice coaxed me to remember who my God is.

My God is the Alpha and the Omega, the creator of ALL things, the King of kings, Lord of lords, Greatest Physician, the comforter, the Almighty, the Rock on which I stand, the One who has been trialed, tested, and approved, the one who understands, Great and mighty is he, the one in whom all things were created by and for, the one who holds all things together. This is my God.

So this is all I have to cling on to – who my God is. Even though at times my flesh struggles for more signs, more assurances, more answers, one thing remains – that knowing and trusting who God is, is more than enough.

Trust and Obedience – the basis of Faith.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Mon, 10 Nov 2008 03:26:49 GMT

Beautiful voices!

I've always admired people with beautiful voices! While surfing on Youtube, I stumbled upon 2 videos. David Choi and Kina Grannis. You really should listen to their voices. They are beautiful!!!!!! garghs!!!! I even prayed that my children will get voices like that!!! Ohh dreams!!

Thursday, November 06, 2008

Thu, 06 Nov 2008 12:37:50 GMT

Again and again

      Masks, facades... I know them all too well. People wear them, people hide behind them. I wear them, I hide behind them. I can blame this on society, on how it is socially inappropriate to not present your best side when dealing with others. But I made my choices, and I will have to deal with the consequences.

      Through practicum, I learnt how crucial it is to be congruent. Same person in counseling, same person out of counseling. Reflection papers required us to dig deep and ask the tough questions. Some honestly scared me. Because at the end of it. I only had glimpses of who I thought I was, who I must become, and who I needed to be. The real me may have been in one of those categories, but I did not recognize her.

       Even now, I only have glimpses of this real me... From my reflections, I know that I dislike conflict, but because of the job I am in, I have to face up to them. Students stare me down, test my every nerve, and some, decide to walk all over me. Still, I have to juggle holding on to my values, doing my job, and looking out for their wellbeing... the wellbeing of the very ones who disrespect and take the things I do for granted. But a good teacher should do her job to the best of her abilities regardless.

      I know I love to play. By that I mean laugh, giggle myself silly, dance goofy dances, say silly things. But I am now a wife, a grown up, a teacher, a counselor-to-be. And people constantly remind me, I have to present myself in an appropriate manner. I love watching my students when they're having fun. They are just so carefree. I wish I could join in, but boundaries are boundaries, so no play time for me. Then there is alone at home time. But there's just so much to do, cleaning, cooking, assignments, etc. And a good wife should be doing all these things.

      I know I cry easily. I cry, a lot. And I still do, lots of time. Lately, I've been crying so much I can hardly remember why I started crying for. Lately it has become increasingly hard to just keep them tears in. I used to be able to confine my crying to my room, but of late, my boundaries have expanded. It's as though I am slowly losing control over my emotions. Students have commented that I have been more moody, grouchy, and temperamental. And I appologise. I should be setting a good example, guiding them the right way.

       I know I miss being carefree. The last I can remember was during graduation in Aussie. Some 3 years back. Those were the days where carefree was my staple diet! Now it's a mountain of concerns, a truckload of work, and a mouthful of responsibilities. But that is adult life isn't it? And a good and mature adult should not complain, toughen up and just do it.

       I know I don't like to think (use my brain). It is tiring processing everything I do, everything I say, everything people do, everything people say. And then trying hard to come up with the most perfect, the best response. But isn't that a big part of counseling?

       There's still a few things I think I know about myself. But I'll leave that to myself. Tpying this, I realised a pattern, there are a heck alot of "shoulds" Ellis would call these the "mustabatory statements". All the I musts, I shoulds , etc. Life is already complicating as it is, so Albert Ellis' theories can wait.

       Right now, all I feel like doing, is to shed myself from all these roles, expectations, duties, and standards. I just want to relax. For tonight. I want to stop trying to be perfect. Just for tonight. Tomorrow, it's back to screaming students, my roles, and me trying my best to do the things I do.

Mind you, I may complain a lot, but I almost always try my best. To those whom I have wounded, I am sorry. For those who have had the misfortune to have rubbed shoulders with me in my stressful and dry period, I am sorry. I am currently renovating my life. Hopefully I'll be up and about soon enough. But tonight, it's just me and the Maker. We're gonna sit down and talk about renovation plans. I'm still trying to talk Him into increasing my metabolic rate, fingers crossed!!

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Tue, 21 Oct 2008 06:14:49 GMT

Sonnets!

I lived in the era before the Ministry of Education made it compulsory to learn literature. Left to my own devices, I never ever bothered exposing myself to them. All I knew about poetry was honestly limited. Somewhere down the line, I heard about Shakespear and his sonnets, but I never really gave any thought to it. This morning, my student came to me with a request: to help her decipher Sonnet 116 - The Marriage of True Minds. I read once, twice, and sort of got a gist of it, but there were lines where I just went "What? Huh? Bark??" So I researched, and the more I read, the more it made sense, and the more I fell in love with Sonnet 116. It is BEAUTIFUL!! Inspired by this new found liking, I googled more sonnets, and found a whole lot of them!! But I guess the more famous ones will still be Sonnet 116 and 18. So here they are. Enjoy!! And if you're a poetry idiot like myself, scroll down for the paraphrased versions in "English". =) ooh another thing, sonnets are quite like Song of Songs! ; )

SONNET 116
Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove.
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wand'ring bark
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come;
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

SONNET 116 - PARAPHRASE
Let me not declare any reasons why two
True-minded people should not be married. Love is not love
Which changes when it finds a change in circumstances,
Or bends from its firm stand even when a lover is unfaithful:
Oh no! it is a lighthouse
That sees storms but it never shaken;
Love is the guiding north star to every lost ship,
Whose value cannot be calculated, although its altitude can be measured.
Love is not at the mercy of Time, though physical beauty
Comes within the compass of his sickle.
Love does not alter with hours and weeks,
But, rather, it endures until the last day of life.
If I am proved wrong about these thoughts on love
Then I recant all that I have written, and no man has ever [truly] loved.

-taken from http://shakespeare.about.com/od/studentresources/a/sonnet116guide_2.htm

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SONNET 18
Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate:
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's lease hath all too short a date:
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimm'd;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance or nature's changing course untrimm'd;
But thy eternal summer shall not fade
Nor lose possession of that fair thou owest;
Nor shall Death brag thou wander'st in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou growest:
So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this and this gives life to thee.

SONNET 18 - PARAPHRASE
Shall I compare you to a summer's day?
You are more lovely and more constant:
Rough winds shake the beloved buds of May
And summer is far too short:
At times the sun is too hot,
Or often goes behind the clouds;
And everything beautiful sometime will lose its beauty,
By misfortune or by nature's planned out course.
But your youth shall not fade,
Nor will you lose the beauty that you possess;
Nor will death claim you for his own,
Because in my eternal verse you will live forever.
So long as there are people on this earth,
So long will this poem live on, making you immortal.

So tell me, do you love Sonnets now??? =D

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Sat, 18 Oct 2008 08:31:58 GMT

All grown up?

Recently at a friend's wedding, someone commented. "wah, you look all grown up ya? Look like a married woman already!" O_o Hm... My response was...laugh politely. sounds something like a weak hehhh hehhh hehhh. Really? Hm.. thank you. Oh well... since I have nothing much to write about, here are 2 pics from that day. So tell me, do we really look all grown up? And I really wonder what "all grown up" and "like a married woman" meant... I shall think of it in the best possible light ever. =D Happiness is a choice! Woo hoo!

Monday, October 06, 2008

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 05:32:16 GMT

Updates

The last week was good. Not productive, but good! Because I felt that I got my life back (if only fr a while)!! This is why:

Practicum is OVER! Both Justin and I survived it, learnt tonnes through it, and are thankful to God for it.
Internship is starting only this week, so last week we had NOTHING to do!! No night classes, no assignments, no case notes, no counseling, no reading. NOTHING but doing whatever we wish!
4 full days of holidays!! Oh joy!

           So darling hubs was really really really sweet, he did most of the house work while I.... hehehehe.... I spent my holidays drowning myself in Korean drama - Gong. Hi my name is Sher-Mayne, and I am a recovering Gond addict. *clap clap clap*. Sigh.. So that was how I spent my 4 days.

           But I think I really needed it, a short breather just to remind me that I am sane! On top of that, to really spend quality time with my hubby.

           Today it's back-to-work. And I am clearly suffering from holiday withdrawal symptoms. Thank God another one is a few weeks away. Hello Deepavali!